I'm going to need you to put on some underwear
by Noxly
Summary: One-shot. A warden's privacy is interrupted by his (occasionally irritating) boyfriend wearing... Very little... After an unfortunate incident in the woods. I mean, nudity solves all domestic disturbances, right...? M!Warden/Zevran, following Awakenings.


"I'm going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else." Hoilen stammered, desperately trying to maintain eye contact with the blonde haired assassin standing butt naked in his room. "Zevran, this is totally inappropriate! We're in Arl Eamon's castle. And I can be at least 80% sure that it is 100% your fault that we ended up here in the first place."

Zevran's perfect face twisted into an expression of mock surprise. "My dear Grey Warden, it is almost as if you have never seen me naked before." He purred. Creators no. Zev was trying to seduce him out of his rage. "And anyway, my love, the situation is barely 50% my fault. How was I to know that the bandits would take our tents, no?" Hoilen rose from his bed and crossed the room at the alarming speed he usually saved for tackling rabbits. His pointed ears twitched madly.

"Look here, you tree root. First things first, who sells gold to bandits in exchange for lubricant?" Zevran's eyes sparkled. He placed his hands on his hips firmly and shifted his weight to the side, causing a precarious wobble in some places Hoilen was trying very hard not to look. _Don't you dare_, Hoilen thought.

"Why, my darling, I believe you know the answer to that question as well as I do." Zevran smirked. Hoilen felt his face flush beneath his mess of tattoos.

Hoilen shook his head. "Creators have mercy. Second of all, who trusts bandits not to later raid our camp, steal our tents, our food, and spare weapons?" Hoilen was furious, more at himself than Zevran. His lover had been in Ferelden for less than twenty four hours, and he had not seen him in a year. His slender shoulders trembled up around his chin, then sank. Hoilen stepped back and stared at the ground. "I shouldn't have gone… I was just so happy. For a moment there, when you showed up, everything looked pretty good. It should have been perfect. And it wasn't. I'm sorry."

Hoilen felt a hand on his face. Zevran cupped his cheek gently, the assassin's free hand soft against his partner's hip. Hoilen met Zevran's eyes, and found that he had dropped his , suddenly serious, emotive. A comfort familiar to him, reserved for a select few. Zevran's thumb traced Hoilen's cheek. And all at once, Hoilen was back in the blight. He was collapsed in his tent curled into his partner's chest, glad to have survived another day together. He remembered the first time Zevran had taken him, and the second, and the tenth. He remembered sobbing into his shoulder the night he killed Tamlen. His arms encircling him, rocking him gently until he cried himself to sleep. The man he survived the blight with, who put up with his shyness, his shit quality sense of humor, and the moments where his thoughts were too loud to hear. The Warden and the Crow. They had always been inseparable.

"Ah, Hoi. You were always besotted with perfection. It appears some things never change, yes?" Zevran murmured, his lips close to his pointed ear. He drew back, tucking his index finger under Hoilen's chin, gently lifting the Dalish boy's eyes to his. It took little effort. They stood at almost identical heights. "Hoilen, Hoilen… I returned from Antiva because missed you, did I not? My home is at your side, now. For better or for worse. Bandits or no bandits." He smiled. Hoilen chuckled.

"Even when I compliment your butt in Dalish?" Hoilen grinned.

"Although the intricacies of your native tongue baffle me, my dear, I believe I had my revenge later that evening."

"Being sent sex poetry via Mabari is hardly revenge, Zev. Admit it, you have a kink for men who speak 'foreign exoticey languages'." Hoilen giggled, his fingertips carving quotation marks around the words.

"Madre de dios… You were the one who tried to kill me."

"You started it."

"I rest my case, Mi Amor."

The two paused, staring at each other, then laughed. It never ceased to amaze him how easily any tension between them ceased. The ease with which they communicated was baffling. Hoilen placed his palms on either side of his face, and tiptoed to kiss his forehead, relieved that the conflict had ended.

"I love you. You know that, right?"

"Of course, my dear. I love you too."

"I especially love how you're still naked." Hoilen coughed.

"As do I. Well… I suppose I shall be putting on those undergarments you mentioned, yes?" Zevran leered, his eyebrows raised.

"Don't you dare."


End file.
